Saturday, June 23, 2012

It is hard to rest sometimes

These are interesting days for me.  There haven't been too many times in my life that I haven't done any music.  I've been doing music since the 2nd grade.  I did orchestra, symphonic band, marching band (because I had to!) and jazz band in school.  I led and helped lead worship in my 20's, 30's and 40's.  In my 40's I started playing cello and got involved in a local orchestra.  I haven't led worship for a little while.  I've felt like I needed to spend more time with my family.  And, the last two Pops Orchestra concerts, I've not played.  And, just as I typed that, I breathed a heaving sigh.  I like playing music.  There's something so powerful about it and it can express life's deepest longings and questions and fulfillments so well..  And I feel out of my element when I'm not playing at some level.  But, I've come to learn that music in itself is not where the real life is.  Music by itself is an empty shell.  If I miss out on real life, music is nothing but vanity.
So, I'm trying to stay in a hiatus for at least a little while.  I hope to discover my wife and children more.  I hope to discover my neighbor more, though not necessarily the person next door to me as any person I come into contact with.  So, I want to take this hiatus and allow it to do its work.  If I'm not so much in a rush to go to this practice or prepare for the next service or limber up my fingers or voice, hopefully I'll think about the more important things a little bit more.  Of course, I may spend some time writing a blog on what it's like.  :-)  But, seriously, it does seem that the busyness of life can cloud the important matters.  And the important matters are what give birth to song.  And in the end, the song is really our Creator and His goodness.
So why is it so hard to not get involved?  Is it because I'm afraid I'll become obsolete, forgotten, out of the loop, less important?  Yes, all of the above.  Of course, it won't really make me less important, I'll just feel that way.  And what if my being out of the loop causes me to lose opportunities?  Well, then I will be quite sad.  But, what can I do?  I need to not get so caught up in the machinery, and I need to see the humanness that is here and foster these relationships more.  If I pursue music and forget about the "solid" and real things, then my music is nothing but shallowness and empty sounds.  And if I pursue shallowness, then what does that make me?
So, here I sit.  It's a little painful to rest from the music stuff.  But, I must die to all selfish ambition and allow God and people to consume my life and thoughts more.

1 comment:

  1. I actually wrote this last year (2011) sometime. I've actually now played the last two concerts since then. Still, I need to remember what is most important.